even my farts smell like vagina
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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