Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
