Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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