We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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