so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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