It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
