Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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