Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
