i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
