@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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