What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
