I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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