wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
