My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
