Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
