plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize