The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You're like the curious george of whores
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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