I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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