We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
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Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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