im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
