I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
3pm strippers are depressing
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
