I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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