Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
