ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
