He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm having to shit out rocks
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