I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
