highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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