I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
