i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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