Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
