You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
