Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
A bitchslap is in order.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
