We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
smell my finger.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
