Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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