There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize