when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
