Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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