I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
handjob tips. give me some.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder