Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
