not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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