So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
