Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
