The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
