I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
