Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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