Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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