Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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