All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
