we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
please don't ironically join a cult
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