she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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