You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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