kristin has been a bad kristin
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
