when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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