i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
