I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
